Tag Archive | self doubt


Life has always thrown it’s share of surprises at me, some pleasant and some not so. It did not follow my plans but instead decided everything for me.  My dreams were taken away from me only to be replaced by new ones. Responsibilities were thrust upon me that I didn’t think I would be able to handle, but then also found the will and hence the strength and the ability to carry them out. But there were times when I doubted, lost faith, in myself and in what I was doing, especially when the going got really tough or when I thought I was not being appreciated for my efforts, or when I wondered what goals had life set for me. Times like these would be highly depressing, but at such times some serious soul searching would help. One of the things I like to do then is to go out on the balcony of my room late at night when everyone’s asleep and look at the stars in the sky. They always give me a great sense of perspective, a sense that I’m not the centre of the universe. I’m just a little speck in the larger scheme of things and that helps to draw a sense of calm and peace that God has planned everything for me, no matter how small a part of His scheme I may be. Also that everything will happen when the time is right, and no amount of worrying or fretting is going to help.

Over the years, Life has also led me to believe that when it thrusts a particular task at you it is because it thinks you to be capable of handling it. So I like to put my faith in it’s faith in me and just go for it, even if it means going out of my comfort zone. In fact, Life has a habit of throwing me and I would assume, people in general, out of their comfort zone. It is it’s way of showing my strengths and capabilities to me and shake me out of my complacency. So now I try not to say no to any unexpected surprise or challenge that it throws at me, just because I am afraid I won’t be able to handle it, but instead try to find out if I can tackle it head on.

I had a very normal and largely uneventful childhood, in the protective care of my parents. Went to a boarding school for my education. Wanted to be a doctor, but life had it’s own plan for me, and got me married to a doctor instead and I settled down to being a home-maker in a large joint family. Again it was a comfortable and sheltered life. The ups or downs came in the form of health problems (some major ones) for the family members and most of the time the responsibility of taking care of them fell on me. It taught me a lot of things, being a good nurse among others.

The last couple of years I had quite some free time on my hands, what with my daughter now old enough to take care of herself and her academics and almost ready to fly out of the nest. She would often try to persuade me to take up a job and as I liked teaching she often suggested that I should really get going as did my husband. I gave it some thought but was unable to take that first step. As usual, self doubts would raise their heads( I am too old to start something new or I won’t be able to deal with today’s kids and many more).

Then a month back I got a call from my daughter’s old school. They needed teachers and found out from old students’ records that I was qualified for the job. They asked me if I would be interested in joining the school. Realizing that this opportunity was a ‘Godsend’ and once again putting my faith in Life’s faith in me I said ‘yes’.

So now I’m once again out of my comfort zone. I’m back to school, as teacher, and enjoying the everyday challenge of teaching, of interacting with young minds and hopeful of being a successful part in molding their futures. I know the going will be tough but I want to test my fears and see myself come out triumphant so I can throw a surprise right back in the face of my Life.