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HOMO SAPIENS @ SUPERMARKETUS

Supermarkets are like the zoo. Normally frequented by the species Homo sapiens-sapiens but the environment of this place has such an effect on the DNA make-up of the species that once inside they show mutative changes and can be further sub-divided into sub-species. Listed below are some of those species that I’ve discovered so far.

  1.     Homo sapiens perfecticus-  this species will spend an agonizing amount of time to select the perfect piece of fruit or vegetable going to the extent of even examining every grape in a bunch. These people would willingly carry a microscope or an X-ray machine into the market if allowed.
  2.    Homo sapiens oblitricus- this species will cover the entire shelf with their bodies thus preventing its access to other people.
  3.     Homo sapiens hurricanus- need I explain that one?
  4.     Homo sapiens athleticus- this species shows high athletic abilities, running between the aisles, picking things up at high speed while on the move, balancing too many things in their hands and even managing a juggle show at times.
  5.     Homo sapiens crankerus- this species is always irritated, snapping at the attendants or the cashier. Also at other shoppers if anyone dares to step into their personal space even a tiny bit. It shows an expertise in creating a scene and drawing attention to oneself.
  6.    Homo sapiens familicus- this species comprises of an entire family. The main characteristic of this one is at least one of the children throwing a massive tantrum on the floor for a chocolate/ice-cream/ride in the cart.
  7.   Homo sapiens husbandsilenticus- this one comes in a pair. The husband part of the species always asks the wife’s permission before putting anything in the cart.
  8.   Homo sapiens cofusicus- this species(also sometimes in a pair) is always confused about the piece of fruit or vegetable to pick and will constantly seek advice from fellow shoppers. These are usually newly-weds who have only just started shopping groceries.
  9.    Homo sapiens Ps&Qsperous- this is a rare species, in fact endangered. The people of this species display the qualities of politeness and patience and general well-behavedness.
  10.   Homo sapiens husbandbillus- I happen to belong to this species. This one also comes in a pair. The wife part does all the grocery picking and cart filling, usually hurrying from shelf to shelf while the husband part waits at the check-out counter to pay the bill.

I heartily apologize if I have missed any but my quest for further discoveries will go on  and any further discoveries will be duly reported. Meanwhile feel free to add your own discoveries to the above list.

Problem 2: Earphone woes

Ok people, here goes. I’m a morning person who enjoys the delights each new day offers. The cool breeze( no matter which season),the chirping of birds, the rising sun, all refresh me and compel me to rise and shine, put on my jogging shoes, pick up my mobile/mp3-4 player/i-pod and take off.

Herein lies my tale of woes. I envy all those joggers in the park who breeze past me, earphones firmly in place as if glued on, enjoying their music, as they burn all the calories to stay fit and in shape. On the other hand, all the time that I jog I’m fumbling with my ear-phones trying to make them stay put. I haven’t really calculated but I’m sure all the calories I burn jogging I spend an equal number on continuously adjusting/holding the earpieces in place. And no amount of pulling(my ears) or pushing(the earphones) could make them fit either.

And I’ve tried my hand..errr.. ears at all kinds of models of mobiles, mp3-4 players that come with their special ear devices. I was banking on Steve Jobs to help me out but the i-pods didn’t help me either. I even tried to use some slick looking ear devices I bought at various techno-shops but to no avail.

As other people do not seem to have any difficulty in keeping them in place I’ve finally reached the conclusion that it is my ears that are ear-phone challenged. So many companies cannot make the same defect and I’m absolutely sure they have no grouse against my ears. Therefore the problem lies with my ears alone.

So I’m still at square one sitting on a grand collection of ear-phones which I’m hoping will someday become a collector’s item and fetch me returns. Or maybe I’ll start a museum with them. Till  then I will remain on my quest for the PERFECT ONE. I only hope they are not delusionary as the many other perfect things we aspire for.

women in the driver seat

Feeling totally vindicated!!! A news item states that research has rated women as better and safer drivers than men. Women drivers cause less than 2% of all fatal road accidents and even for minor accidents the male- female ratio is 71:1. Whoa!! That makes me feel like saying..no, shouting( gloatingly, of course)..I TOLD YOU SO!!

For years I’ve seen women being condemned as poor drivers. They are sneered upon, laughed at committing tiniest of mistakes and get derisive looks from the male drivers. If they take a fraction of a second longer to start up at a signal as the light changes the honking of horns begins incessantly and sometimes they(read men) start honking in advance when they see a female in the driver seat of the car ahead of them.

I, who has only recently taken to driving once again after a long hiatus, have borne all that and much more. They(whether on a 2-wheel drive or a 4-wheel one) think nothing of cutting lanes in front of you without any warning and then will glare at you when missed by inches. And sometimes you get such a cheesy smile that you feel like getting off the car and slapping that smile off the face. This happens so often that of late I’ve started harboring a secret and almost sadistic fantasy of thrashing up at least one such errant driver. But mostly I am a peace-loving person and resort to counting till 10 which at times has to be extended till 20 or 50.

And to be fair to the not-so-fair sex, there are some good Samaritans out there too. They wait patiently (and quietly) behind you when stuck in a traffic jam and don’t blame the chaos on you. Once, one actually stopped and let me go first.

And now this news..well its just a confirmation of what we women knew all along.

So a message to all the male drivers out there..its time you took the back seat. Women are driving now.

P.S- i googled to get some pictures for this post and all i found were funny pictures and funny videos…and not averse to laughing at myself or my gender , i did have a hearty laugh at them all.. but that goes on to show the bias against women drivers. I only hope they are not made up… sharing some for the laughs.. 

An encounter of another kind

The alarm goes off. Its 5.45am. Time to get up and prepare breakfast and lunch-box for my daughter. I walk sleepily towards the kitchen, wishing I could sleep for a few minutes more, and switch on the kitchen light. Immediately my eyes are drawn to a creature (the creepy slithery type)resting comfortably on my kitchen counter as if it owned the place. It looked at me with a bored expression and seemed a tad bit annoyed for disturbing its slumber. I, meanwhile, was petrified with terror.  My mind raced to find ways to get rid of it from my kitchen. All my shooing and wild hand flailing came to a naught. It continued to stare at me, a bit more defiantly now, as if daring me to make it budge from its place.  The time was running out so I decided to deploy a weapon. Found a rod in the store and tried to make it move, standing as far away as possible. But alas! It just simply slithered beyond my reach. My courage failing me I tried to think up a back up plan but my mind had simply logged out and refused to reboot. I was now on the verge of panic and realized I had no choice but to wake up my knight in sleeping pajamas (you don’t expect the shining armor at that time of the day, do you?)to rescue me from my plight.

I stepped slowly into the bed-chambers where he lay slumbereth and tapped him gingerly on the shoulder. He awoke and on hearing my dilemma immediately agreed to come to my rescue. He took the rod from me and boldly went into the territory forcibly occupied by the terrorist.

His presence itself had a remarkable effect and it was now the creature’s turn to beat the retreat. It slithered further back trying to take shelter behind the pitcher but after some smart moves and taps on the counter by my knight it soon realized that the battle was lost. He was no match for my brave heart and surrendering, it crept out of the door leaving me free to take the control of my territory back. My knight, meanwhile, went back to snug warmth of the bed and was soon snoring away. After all it was a rest well deserved.

I tell this story because this act of bravery and courage, in the face of an enemy that so terrorized his damsel, should go down the pages of history as a battle well fought and won.

Ode to the ‘Bai’

The hour is approaching. The wait is about to be over. She waits, painfully aware of every passing moment. The hours never seemed so long. She paces the floor, an eye on the watch.

The whispers of the wind, the creaking of the twigs on the pathway, the tick-tocking of the clock, all senses fine tuned to any signal of approach of the awaited one.

She never felt this way before. The quickening of the pulse, the flutter of eye-lashes, the shiver down the spine, the heaving of the bosom- not felt even when she first met and fell in love with the man who recently became her husband and together they stepped on to a journey of matrimonial bliss. All seemed as picture perfect as riding into the sunset or a fairy tale where it was supposed to be ‘happily ever after’.

But then… times changed. She didn’t realize when she changed.  This pining for a person other than her beloved was something very difficult to deal with. She can’t seem to remember when she last felt this joy at her hubby’s homecoming as she does for this new person in her life; a life which now seems to depend solely on this person.

The bell rings! Ah! What a beautiful sound. She rushes, with a smile on her lips and a song in her heart. Her feet take on wings as she flies to open the door. It’s her! It’s her! Without whom she would surely die.

For it was none other but her ‘BAI’.